New Year

It seems like I’m into nothing and I’m into a million things right now. There’s a shake-up at work right now because Mayo wants and needs to start hiring nurses again, but the balance of staff at the current ratios isn’t working. So some lucky souls get the boot to other units, an annoying interruption to what most people think is a planned-out year. We’ve got our vacation requests in already, people’s summers are filling up, people’s roles on the unit are fairly defined, but that will change for some. That’s a downer for them, and I think especially in a specialty like ours, people tend to be pretty passionate about work, as in, the idea of transplantation. I’m lucky to be one of the probably-safe ones, so I’ll wait with my colleagues to see what the weeks bring.

My duties at work are somewhat more involved this year as the Chair of my unit’s Practice Committee. It is going to force me to be organized, quit procrastinating, to be a leader of sorts, even though 75% of the committee membership is more senior then me. That being said, I’m looking forward to the opportunity to share what I’ve learned and to gather input from the others. I happen to believe that we have some of the best nurses at Mayo on our floor and to be able to hold a position like this for the year is pretty exciting stuff.

My days off are filled with working on a more efficient budget, reading for work and for fun, and trying to mix up the monotony that can be cold winter days. I’m itching for stroller walk/rides to the park, soccer season, swimming lessons and all the things that seem like inconveniences when the weather is warm.

I’m reading a Jodi Picoult novel right now, Nineteen Minutes, which isn’t holding my attention all too well. I’m beginning to think that I see through fiction too much. I picture the author sitting in some cabin in New Hampshire deciding why to name a character Courtney or Matthew and not what the story is about. On the other hand, maybe I just need a change of pace. I’ve got all kinds of non-fiction, biographies, politically-energized stuff waiting for me.

Nathan’s got Nickel Creek playing right now from his playlist, which I dig. I haven’t heard them forever. I told him it reminds me of when we weren’t dating, which was a total drag as I recall, but now I can enjoy them more thoroughly. I also made a CD in October of sing-along songs that I usually blast in the car. It includes Black Eyed Peas, MJ, Jonas Brothers, Beyonce, Lauryn Hill and everything in between. Sappy, yes. Excellent, yes.

That’s it this week. Stay tuned.

thoughts for today

It's the first full week in October and here are some things I've got on my mind.

1. They put executions on hold in Indiana because they couldn't find a vein on a guy. Are you kidding? The news people say, "It wasn't even a doctor performing it?" Doctors NEVER put in IVs. It is almost always nurses or technicians. Plus, I'd like to know how many death row inmates have a history of sticking themselves with nasty little needles to inject extravasating drugs into their arms. I'm not convinced they should get a stay of execution because they have ruined their own veins. Find one! Put a PICC line in 'em! Take 'em to a really fancy radiology suite and find a nice plump jugular. So now because it took two hours to try to kill one guy, they next few guys in line get a break. Seems reasonable to me.

2. Swine flu vaccine is out today. I'm thinking I'll get it when it's available. I'm not a fan of attenuated virus vaccines, but this damn bug is infecting everyone and I don't want to be the one to bring it to work unknowingly. I'm glad I'm not pregnant so I don't have to make a decision on that front, but it has made a lot of people miserable. My nephew, coworkers, facebook friends and many others and I'd rather keep functioning this fall.

3. I think it's funny when nurses and doctors who go to meet with the President wear scrubs and/or white coats. Just in case he and others don't know your role? Just in case you need to do a little work while you're at the White House? Dress up people.

4. The big Twins games were this weekend and tomorrow night. I'm sure glad for the escape that these things give me. Day-to-day life is made so much more exciting to share in the joy of a Twins win like was had at the Metrodome Saturday afternoon and evening. If all the world have the same team to cheer for, the same goals, the same sense of community it would be a place of so much potential. Almost 50,000 people with the same hopes and dreams in that stadium was something to behold. You walk out of there thinking the world could be a better place if we all tried harder.

5. Fall always feels like the beginning of something. School is some shape or form has been a part of my life for almost all of my 30 years, so fall brings with it a sense of optimism. A new beginning, new things to learn, time to try new things. I'm excited about it.

3 things

I've been gone a long time, but you know, I turned 30 this morning and I think it's time to get back to writing a bit. I've never been short on things to say, so here goes.


I was sure I was going to be one of those people whose 30th birthday was just another day. Another Monday, another week, another year... but I'm considering turning that proverbial leaf that supposedly comes with a milestone like this. I'm a list-maker, a schedule-keeper, an organizer and manager (like Nathan would say), but why are some pieces of the pie so out-of-sorts?

1. I don't know whether I want to move or not. Or when, I should say. I have the best job ever. And it will only ever be in Rochester, Minnesota. I know I don't want to be a floor nurse forever, but there is not a better place to work than Mayo, I'm convinced. Based on pay, tuition reimbursement, benefits, the opportunities to engage professionally with people of so many disciplines. It has really opened my eyes to a diverse world in a way that I've never had the means or reason to, and I'm not sure I'm ready to give it up.

2. What do I want to do in Grad school. I like the idea of being a CNS. A clinical nurse specialist, that is. A Masters-prepared nurse who specializes in the clinical aspects of care - taking care of patients, being an expert in practices on a unit and a go-to person for floor nurses who have questions about what to do for a patient, how to fix something, how to advocate for a patient. I had never heard of it before coming to Mayo, and such is the problem with becoming one. What if I can't find a job doing it anywhere else? Then I guess I'm stuck with a degree and certification I can't use anywhere but here and how valuable does that make me? I've thought for the past year that I'd like to do Administration, and probably will, but the business side of running a hospital unit interests me about as much as cleaning up the beds on people taking lactulose for the next 30 years. I do, however, like the idea of lobbying for my nurses and healthcare, making decisions that have a lot of impact on a unit, and getting to know influential people. That's fun.

3. What do I do with my money? I have a love-hate relationship with money. When my children turn 16 or start earning money, they will take some sort-of class about money management. I didn't have and still don't have much direction by way of financial planning, which is to my own detriment. I have all these ideas about house projects, trips, college funds, least of all savings, that never go anywhere because I'm not a good planner. How annoying.

This year and the next couple will be dedicated to getting these things figured out, whichever way they are supposed to be worked out. I'm looking forward to 35 to see what the hell I'm doing by then, and where I'm doing it.

Current Events

I haven't vented in awhile about recent happenings in the world. It's time.

I've always been a news junkie, but I'm sick of 'em. No one with a brain and a little judgment would assume that Barack Obama had anything to do with the idiocracy called politics in his home state, i.e. paying someone to take over his Senate seat. Come now. How would that go unfounded? It wouldn't, which is exactly why he didn't get involved in the mess. Well, that and his morals! If the news crazies would shut up about it, it would not be a story. Likewise the stories about Caroline Kennedy, where Obama goes golfing in Hawaii, or the girls' first day of school at Sidwell Friends. The media should indeed take a break from Christmas until Inauguration and things would be a lot more interesting when we all started watching again.

I'm excited about the possibility of Minnesota being represented by two senators from the DFL. (Is senator capitalized when not mentioning a specific one? Hmmm.) Anyway, a state panel is expected to give the seat to Al Franken today, which no one ever thought would happen. Seems like these drawn-out messes always end up going to the Republicans. Well, at least one comes to mind. I don't know much about Al Franken yet, not even why this is his "home state", but I'm willing to learn. He must believe in the main philosophies we care about right? Global warming, ending the war, expanding stem-cell research... OK, I'm in.

Heather and I are in the process of planning something fun for the big 3-0 this year. We are thinking about a trip to DC, now that it is Barack territory. Not sure if that will make the trip a whole lot more fun or what, but it seems like a good idea. Nathan's never been there, and he would love the museums and artsy stuff. Amy Klobuchar's office is willing to set up WH and Capitol tours, which is sweet. Why not go? Sign me up! As it turns out, this is expected to be a busy year for all of us. Heath will be graduating in May, moving, studying for the Bar all summer until late July and starting a new job in August. Nathan will be graduating in May, finding a job, maybe moving us back to SD this summer. I'm along for the ride. Whatever, man. The timing isn't figured out yet, but I hope we get there.

What else...

Olivia has perfect eyes and teeth, say the respective doctors she went to last week. She will be an orthodontic patient at some point in her childhood, says Dr. Stenzel. Go figure.

Audrey is being weaned from her pacifier. I listen to a lot of whining all day because of it. Only at naptime and bedtime this week, only at bedtime next week. Done by the time she turns 2. I'm determined. She is not.

Nathan starts school next week again. Five classes to finish up, all during the day. He'll be successful. I hope our budget is.

I'm back to work after what feels like a month off. We were home to SD for a week from December 20-26. I worked one night, got an EA the next night, got tested for Strep throat the next. Who knows where we were all exposed to it, but lucky me and Heath. Ouch. I was oriented to daytime Charge nurse last week. I had the best preceptor I could have. We had a busy few days, but those are the best times to learn.

Signing off for now.

The Giver

I thought I'd do a goofy font like "Webdings" in honor of Thie Giver, but it wouldn't do any of us any good. Why is that a font at all?

The Giver is the meaning of the name of you-know-who, my one-and-only, my babies' daddy, NP. Who knew that all his life he would be giving? Giving his parents hell, giving me time to do homework, giving of himself to his daughters, giving in to the people for whom he works, continously.


Nathan has quite a story really. An aggressive, and at times abusive, upbringing on the ranch taught him when to give and when to take. It wasn't until he was out of high school, still not as big as his dad, that he began standing up for himself both physically and emotionally. His biggest life event, until having children arguably, was a car accident his senior year of high school, Super Bowl Sunday after just turning 18, that nearly took his life. A couple times. His pick-up truck collided head-on with the neighbor's front-end loader on top of a small hill not even a mile from the front gate to the Perli ranch. Among other things, his injuries included an avulsion fracture of his left main bronchus, meaning his left lung was torn off the stem that holds it to the trachea. He also broke ribs and had multiple other lacerations, which left thick scars to this day. He spent weeks in the hospital, developed blood clots in his legs from being immobile for so long. The physicians' notes say the first surgery was comparable to a lung transplant, in that it was reattached to his own bronchus as if had been implanted, and he had to recover from the edema, secretions, chest tubes, prolonged ventilator use and all that like those patients do.



He was dismissed to home after only a few weeks, miraculously. He recalls a day when, 15 miles out of town in the basement of his house on the ranch, he thought he heard one of those ridiculous cars teenage boys drive around with the bass pounding, pounding, pounding so loud you can hear it from blocks away. Well, of course, it wasn't a teenager driving by. It was his heart pounding in his chest. His mom took him in to the clinic, where he showed worsening signs of fatigue, tachycardia (increased heart rate), and shortness of breath. He was admitted to the hospital again, and after a few tests, the doctors learned his heart was unable to pump effectively because the sack that holds his heart was full of blood, asserting pressure on his heart from the outside, a condition called pericardic tamponade. He had emergency surgery again where a hole was cut into that sack, allowing it to drain, called a pericardial window. So more chest tubes and wires, another week in the hospital, and recovery from then on. He still deals with a chronic cough, secretions, a sensation that he's always "stuffed up" which is tolerable.

He was allowed to make up most of his schoolwork that spring and graduated with his class in May 1997. Fast forward through a few years of college and a few more years of working in Applebee's kitchens.... until 2000 when he meets his future wife through a coworker. Our first meeting was on his birthday, January 3 of that year when an ex-boyfriend of mine took me to Spearfish to visit some friends. They were old roommates. So we said hello in an apartment complex parking lot and went our own ways for a year or so. When Nathan decided to move to the Rapid City store from Spearfish early in 2001. Maybe he heard I was there. ;) We made eyes at each other for a few months, before actually going out with some friends and a more exclusively that spring and summer. We had many great times that summer that we still laugh about. I knew I had my final semester of college waiting for me in Vermillion that fall, so I wanted to not make too big of a deal of this new relationship. The truth is, though, it was a very big deal. I got pregnant sometime in late July (with Peace you'll recall) and when the time came to leave for school, we left a half-ass break-up... well, half-assed. I told my students that fall I had a wonderful boyfriend at home because, as high school students, they asked every other day. Whether it was true or not I didn't really know, nor did I know, at that point, that I was pregnant.

It didn't take long to find out, in all honesty. I had a school physical for student-teaching soon after I got back to Vermillion. I got a message one day that my urinalysis needed to be repeated at Student Health, that was clue #1. I didn't go back, but I quit drinking and tried to eat better. I was assistant coaching the girls' basketball teams at Akron-Westfield, so that fact that I didn't gain weight until that ended around Thanksgiving time wasn't a huge surprise. I was much more active than I had been in months, thus in better shape. I was in denial BIG-time and didn't seek medical care, mostly because I didn't think anything was wrong. Whether I was pregnant or not, things were OK with me, except that I hadn't talked to you-know-who in a couple months.

Fast forward again to April 18, 2002. I was in labor, admitted to the hospital in Rapid City, where I had moved after finishing school. The first of the loves-of-my-life was born at 2:45 the next morning. Nathan and I moved into an apartment together a month later, got engaged on my birthday of that year, married the next summer. The rest is history, as they say.

When did this turn into a blog about me?

Long story short, Nathan has been giving and giving of himself for a long time, especially to those of us in his immediate life. So as we embark on a new stage of our lives together, I figure it is probably time to give some. I have the best job I can imagine at the best place in the world and am just starting to make something of my career. But it is his turn. And in the year of hope and change and all the rest, it is likely time to make a big change, a move, new jobs, new home. We'll see what happens after this spring. After all, the man just wants to fish.

Peace and Noble Strength

Who are they? It's funny how one spends so much time picking out a name for a baby, only to find out that there is a right one. Who knew?

Olivia = peace, a symbol, as in the olive branch
She is something. She is so patient and caring, has the sweetest heart of anyone I know. Her name didn't come from studying baby-name books for hours on end. Nope, we vaguely knew another Olivia, I liked the idea of older, classy names. It sounded good. It stuck. My Olivia Kathleen is a people-pleaser, a helper, even when I don't ask her to be, and so generous. She is a lover, not a fighter. I love her because she gives me hugs and says, "Love you" first sometimes. When I'm crabby or frustrated, she says such profound things as, "Don't worry, Mom. It's OK." So simple! So easy is she! Olivia is already a typical oldest child. She's responsible and mostly organized (she is only 6) and is a caretaker for sure. I regret that I was so busy for four or five of her first years, but she benefits from being very close with her extended family, from growing up in Rapid City around most of them. They are her favorite people and she is one of theirs. I hope to be the person, the mother, Olivia sees in me because then I'd be good enough.

Audrey = noble strength
Sassafrass! She's a firecracker! I have a feeling that she is as strong-willed a person as there is. She already has so much to say, and although we don't know what she's talking about, she's talking. Her name came up early on the list of Girl names, but was ultimately Dad's choosing. It fits my criteria of not too trendy, older and kind-of classic, and not too easy to misspell or mispronouce. Audrey Grace has a loving side and can be very welcoming. She is the first to say "Mama!" and run to the steps when she hears the garage door shut at night. She's got a charm and a grin that is hard to deny. Audrey, too, is generous and will share anything, right down to the crackers from her mouth. She is a curious explorer, but knows enough to know when she's gotten in too far. I love her because she seems to know something about me... she needs me just enough so that I get my fill and is independent enough to keep me wanting more.

The Great Black Hope

For crying out loud.... Blogger was giving me trouble the day after the election, so here goes.

November 4th came and went. America overwhelming chose change, not McCain's "reform", in the most important election in a generation. Barack Obama will be a once-in-a-lifetime President. My hope is that he has every opportunity to enact his ideas and that the country has some patience in seeing it happen. My bet, though, is that two years from now when it's time for mid-term elections again, the Republicans will complain about what promises he has yet to fulfill, or even address. And my fear is that some racist fanatic from southern Appalacia will pick him off before he has the chance. God help us. And remember, fanatics: Joe Biden promised in the Veep debate to carry on Barack's policies (unlike Palin, who said she'd do her own thing... honorable.) So deal with it and put your damn guns away.
I'm excited to see what the next four years brings because, in part, I feel like I will have a better handle on myself and my family financially, educationally, professionally, and personally. A solid economy means a good job for Nathan (and me, but less worried there), lower interest rates on all of our loans, more cash in my 403b and the girls' 529s, etc. All those things I should be paying more attention to, but can't seem to. I'm ready for change.