I thought I'd do a goofy font like "Webdings" in honor of Thie Giver, but it wouldn't do any of us any good. Why is that a font at all?
The Giver is the meaning of the name of you-know-who, my one-and-only, my babies' daddy, NP. Who knew that all his life he would be giving? Giving his parents hell, giving me time to do homework, giving of himself to his daughters, giving in to the people for whom he works, continously.
Nathan has quite a story really. An aggressive, and at times abusive, upbringing on the ranch taught him when to give and when to take. It wasn't until he was out of high school, still not as big as his dad, that he began standing up for himself both physically and emotionally. His biggest life event, until having children arguably, was a car accident his senior year of high school, Super Bowl Sunday after just turning 18, that nearly took his life. A couple times. His pick-up truck collided head-on with the neighbor's front-end loader on top of a small hill not even a mile from the front gate to the Perli ranch. Among other things, his injuries included an avulsion fracture of his left main bronchus, meaning his left lung was torn off the stem that holds it to the trachea. He also broke ribs and had multiple other lacerations, which left thick scars to this day. He spent weeks in the hospital, developed blood clots in his legs from being immobile for so long. The physicians' notes say the first surgery was comparable to a lung transplant, in that it was reattached to his own bronchus as if had been implanted, and he had to recover from the edema, secretions, chest tubes, prolonged ventilator use and all that like those patients do.
He was dismissed to home after only a few weeks, miraculously. He recalls a day when, 15 miles out of town in the basement of his house on the ranch, he thought he heard one of those ridiculous cars teenage boys drive around with the bass pounding, pounding, pounding so loud you can hear it from blocks away. Well, of course, it wasn't a teenager driving by. It was his heart pounding in his chest. His mom took him in to the clinic, where he showed worsening signs of fatigue, tachycardia (increased heart rate), and shortness of breath. He was admitted to the hospital again, and after a few tests, the doctors learned his heart was unable to pump effectively because the sack that holds his heart was full of blood, asserting pressure on his heart from the outside, a condition called pericardic tamponade. He had emergency surgery again where a hole was cut into that sack, allowing it to drain, called a pericardial window. So more chest tubes and wires, another week in the hospital, and recovery from then on. He still deals with a chronic cough, secretions, a sensation that he's always "stuffed up" which is tolerable.
He was allowed to make up most of his schoolwork that spring and graduated with his class in May 1997. Fast forward through a few years of college and a few more years of working in Applebee's kitchens.... until 2000 when he meets his future wife through a coworker. Our first meeting was on his birthday, January 3 of that year when an ex-boyfriend of mine took me to Spearfish to visit some friends. They were old roommates. So we said hello in an apartment complex parking lot and went our own ways for a year or so. When Nathan decided to move to the Rapid City store from Spearfish early in 2001. Maybe he heard I was there. ;) We made eyes at each other for a few months, before actually going out with some friends and a more exclusively that spring and summer. We had many great times that summer that we still laugh about. I knew I had my final semester of college waiting for me in Vermillion that fall, so I wanted to not make too big of a deal of this new relationship. The truth is, though, it was a very big deal. I got pregnant sometime in late July (with Peace you'll recall) and when the time came to leave for school, we left a half-ass break-up... well, half-assed. I told my students that fall I had a wonderful boyfriend at home because, as high school students, they asked every other day. Whether it was true or not I didn't really know, nor did I know, at that point, that I was pregnant.
It didn't take long to find out, in all honesty. I had a school physical for student-teaching soon after I got back to Vermillion. I got a message one day that my urinalysis needed to be repeated at Student Health, that was clue #1. I didn't go back, but I quit drinking and tried to eat better. I was assistant coaching the girls' basketball teams at Akron-Westfield, so that fact that I didn't gain weight until that ended around Thanksgiving time wasn't a huge surprise. I was much more active than I had been in months, thus in better shape. I was in denial BIG-time and didn't seek medical care, mostly because I didn't think anything was wrong. Whether I was pregnant or not, things were OK with me, except that I hadn't talked to you-know-who in a couple months.
Fast forward again to April 18, 2002. I was in labor, admitted to the hospital in Rapid City, where I had moved after finishing school. The first of the loves-of-my-life was born at 2:45 the next morning. Nathan and I moved into an apartment together a month later, got engaged on my birthday of that year, married the next summer. The rest is history, as they say.
When did this turn into a blog about me?
Long story short, Nathan has been giving and giving of himself for a long time, especially to those of us in his immediate life. So as we embark on a new stage of our lives together, I figure it is probably time to give some. I have the best job I can imagine at the best place in the world and am just starting to make something of my career. But it is his turn. And in the year of hope and change and all the rest, it is likely time to make a big change, a move, new jobs, new home. We'll see what happens after this spring. After all, the man just wants to fish.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
Peace and Noble Strength
Who are they? It's funny how one spends so much time picking out a name for a baby, only to find out that there is a right one. Who knew?
Olivia = peace, a symbol, as in the olive branch
She is something. She is so patient and caring, has the sweetest heart of anyone I know. Her name didn't come from studying baby-name books for hours on end. Nope, we vaguely knew another Olivia, I liked the idea of older, classy names. It sounded good. It stuck. My Olivia Kathleen is a people-pleaser, a helper, even when I don't ask her to be, and so generous. She is a lover, not a fighter. I love her because she gives me hugs and says, "Love you" first sometimes. When I'm crabby or frustrated, she says such profound things as, "Don't worry, Mom. It's OK." So simple! So easy is she! Olivia is already a typical oldest child. She's responsible and mostly organized (she is only 6) and is a caretaker for sure. I regret that I was so busy for four or five of her first years, but she benefits from being very close with her extended family, from growing up in Rapid City around most of them. They are her favorite people and she is one of theirs. I hope to be the person, the mother, Olivia sees in me because then I'd be good enough.
Audrey = noble strength
Sassafrass! She's a firecracker! I have a feeling that she is as strong-willed a person as there is. She already has so much to say, and although we don't know what she's talking about, she's talking. Her name came up early on the list of Girl names, but was ultimately Dad's choosing. It fits my criteria of not too trendy, older and kind-of classic, and not too easy to misspell or mispronouce. Audrey Grace has a loving side and can be very welcoming. She is the first to say "Mama!" and run to the steps when she hears the garage door shut at night. She's got a charm and a grin that is hard to deny. Audrey, too, is generous and will share anything, right down to the crackers from her mouth. She is a curious explorer, but knows enough to know when she's gotten in too far. I love her because she seems to know something about me... she needs me just enough so that I get my fill and is independent enough to keep me wanting more.
Olivia = peace, a symbol, as in the olive branch
She is something. She is so patient and caring, has the sweetest heart of anyone I know. Her name didn't come from studying baby-name books for hours on end. Nope, we vaguely knew another Olivia, I liked the idea of older, classy names. It sounded good. It stuck. My Olivia Kathleen is a people-pleaser, a helper, even when I don't ask her to be, and so generous. She is a lover, not a fighter. I love her because she gives me hugs and says, "Love you" first sometimes. When I'm crabby or frustrated, she says such profound things as, "Don't worry, Mom. It's OK." So simple! So easy is she! Olivia is already a typical oldest child. She's responsible and mostly organized (she is only 6) and is a caretaker for sure. I regret that I was so busy for four or five of her first years, but she benefits from being very close with her extended family, from growing up in Rapid City around most of them. They are her favorite people and she is one of theirs. I hope to be the person, the mother, Olivia sees in me because then I'd be good enough.
Audrey = noble strength
Sassafrass! She's a firecracker! I have a feeling that she is as strong-willed a person as there is. She already has so much to say, and although we don't know what she's talking about, she's talking. Her name came up early on the list of Girl names, but was ultimately Dad's choosing. It fits my criteria of not too trendy, older and kind-of classic, and not too easy to misspell or mispronouce. Audrey Grace has a loving side and can be very welcoming. She is the first to say "Mama!" and run to the steps when she hears the garage door shut at night. She's got a charm and a grin that is hard to deny. Audrey, too, is generous and will share anything, right down to the crackers from her mouth. She is a curious explorer, but knows enough to know when she's gotten in too far. I love her because she seems to know something about me... she needs me just enough so that I get my fill and is independent enough to keep me wanting more.
The Great Black Hope
For crying out loud.... Blogger was giving me trouble the day after the election, so here goes.
November 4th came and went. America overwhelming chose change, not McCain's "reform", in the most important election in a generation. Barack Obama will be a once-in-a-lifetime President. My hope is that he has every opportunity to enact his ideas and that the country has some patience in seeing it happen. My bet, though, is that two years from now when it's time for mid-term elections again, the Republicans will complain about what promises he has yet to fulfill, or even address. And my fear is that some racist fanatic from southern Appalacia will pick him off before he has the chance. God help us. And remember, fanatics: Joe Biden promised in the Veep debate to carry on Barack's policies (unlike Palin, who said she'd do her own thing... honorable.) So deal with it and put your damn guns away.
I'm excited to see what the next four years brings because, in part, I feel like I will have a better handle on myself and my family financially, educationally, professionally, and personally. A solid economy means a good job for Nathan (and me, but less worried there), lower interest rates on all of our loans, more cash in my 403b and the girls' 529s, etc. All those things I should be paying more attention to, but can't seem to. I'm ready for change.
November 4th came and went. America overwhelming chose change, not McCain's "reform", in the most important election in a generation. Barack Obama will be a once-in-a-lifetime President. My hope is that he has every opportunity to enact his ideas and that the country has some patience in seeing it happen. My bet, though, is that two years from now when it's time for mid-term elections again, the Republicans will complain about what promises he has yet to fulfill, or even address. And my fear is that some racist fanatic from southern Appalacia will pick him off before he has the chance. God help us. And remember, fanatics: Joe Biden promised in the Veep debate to carry on Barack's policies (unlike Palin, who said she'd do her own thing... honorable.) So deal with it and put your damn guns away.
I'm excited to see what the next four years brings because, in part, I feel like I will have a better handle on myself and my family financially, educationally, professionally, and personally. A solid economy means a good job for Nathan (and me, but less worried there), lower interest rates on all of our loans, more cash in my 403b and the girls' 529s, etc. All those things I should be paying more attention to, but can't seem to. I'm ready for change.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
The Undecideds
Is that even a word? "Undecideds", the plural noun? Pundits these days use it when describing that portion of the American electorate who is just that... undecided, as in the current election process. My thought: what the hell?! What's taking so long? Decide already!
I'm astounded watching these focus groups on debate nights, saying stuff like, "Well, I voted Bush in '04, but McCain has a bad temper so I'm thinking more about Obama." As much as I like that answer (and its truthfulness), it is ridiculous to me that people today let each 24-hour news cycle sway them so radically. These are two polar opposite candidates. One debate doesn't say it all, one story about ACORN or Congress or Vietnam or the Alaskan pipeline does not say it all about these two teams vying for the presidency. All the information is out there, if you want to know something, Google it. If you have questions about policy, resume, philosophy, check out the respective websites. But for a third of Americans to be still, at two weeks out, undecided is stupid. This is your job, people. Wake up and watch the news. Find out. Be a truthseeker.
If you're voting, as you should, you ought to be informed. Pretend you had never seen pictures of these two men before. No black or white, no old or young. Just Obama/Biden vs. McCain/Palin. Important factors for me include character, policy ideas, trust, record, experiences. This is the perspective from which I choose to look at the race today. I'm a nurse. I've worked on a busy medical/surgical floor for 2 1/2 years as an RN. There are people who have been at Mayo a lot longer than me. There are equally as many who have not been. I'm no expert, but I think I can do my job pretty well. Here's the catch. Some have been medical secretaries for 15 years, some have been nurses for 30. Some nurses have been on the floor for less than 6 months. We work together to get the job done. We each bring our own personality, experience, and education to the table. Sure there's a nurse manager, there's a CEO, but would he or she have a job without the rest of us pulling our weight? Would there be a need for us if there was no patient in the bed? I'm getting at my point. Sometimes, patients prefer a nurse with tons of experience, 20 or 30 years, a room full of knowledge. These nurses tend to take a lot of time in the patient's room, caring for every aspect of the patient. They stay late to catch up on charting that wasn't completed until 8 hours after the fact. It's OK, it's just the way it has to be when you don't sit down all day. Some patients prefer a nurse with 2-5 years' experience. Usually moves quick, thinks a little more narrowly in the scheme of things, is task-oriented, good with technology and the things that make work work. They usually get charting done on time because they spend less time in a patient's room, feeling comfortable with the patient's status. Finally sometimes, and maybe not often, a patient prefers a new nurse. Usually very by-the-book, completes required tasks only, usually into talking, finding out about history, family, and all that. This nurse often gets roped into complex situations he/she hasn't had to deal with before and can lose his/her cool. The end of the shift almost never comes soon enough, and the new nurse gets easily overwhelmed at the significance of his or her newfound responsibilites. Now.... there are these nurses and everything in between, but you can be assured that these nurses never work alone. There is never one nurse alone on a floor probably anywhere because in life-saving or emergency situations, it is obvious and probably proven that one mind and two hands is not enough. In my mind, this can relate to the presidential election in some abstract way. Vote for who you prefer, who you'd like to spend a day with or drink a beer with or go to war with, and be assured that he never works alone. Go do it!
I'm astounded watching these focus groups on debate nights, saying stuff like, "Well, I voted Bush in '04, but McCain has a bad temper so I'm thinking more about Obama." As much as I like that answer (and its truthfulness), it is ridiculous to me that people today let each 24-hour news cycle sway them so radically. These are two polar opposite candidates. One debate doesn't say it all, one story about ACORN or Congress or Vietnam or the Alaskan pipeline does not say it all about these two teams vying for the presidency. All the information is out there, if you want to know something, Google it. If you have questions about policy, resume, philosophy, check out the respective websites. But for a third of Americans to be still, at two weeks out, undecided is stupid. This is your job, people. Wake up and watch the news. Find out. Be a truthseeker.
If you're voting, as you should, you ought to be informed. Pretend you had never seen pictures of these two men before. No black or white, no old or young. Just Obama/Biden vs. McCain/Palin. Important factors for me include character, policy ideas, trust, record, experiences. This is the perspective from which I choose to look at the race today. I'm a nurse. I've worked on a busy medical/surgical floor for 2 1/2 years as an RN. There are people who have been at Mayo a lot longer than me. There are equally as many who have not been. I'm no expert, but I think I can do my job pretty well. Here's the catch. Some have been medical secretaries for 15 years, some have been nurses for 30. Some nurses have been on the floor for less than 6 months. We work together to get the job done. We each bring our own personality, experience, and education to the table. Sure there's a nurse manager, there's a CEO, but would he or she have a job without the rest of us pulling our weight? Would there be a need for us if there was no patient in the bed? I'm getting at my point. Sometimes, patients prefer a nurse with tons of experience, 20 or 30 years, a room full of knowledge. These nurses tend to take a lot of time in the patient's room, caring for every aspect of the patient. They stay late to catch up on charting that wasn't completed until 8 hours after the fact. It's OK, it's just the way it has to be when you don't sit down all day. Some patients prefer a nurse with 2-5 years' experience. Usually moves quick, thinks a little more narrowly in the scheme of things, is task-oriented, good with technology and the things that make work work. They usually get charting done on time because they spend less time in a patient's room, feeling comfortable with the patient's status. Finally sometimes, and maybe not often, a patient prefers a new nurse. Usually very by-the-book, completes required tasks only, usually into talking, finding out about history, family, and all that. This nurse often gets roped into complex situations he/she hasn't had to deal with before and can lose his/her cool. The end of the shift almost never comes soon enough, and the new nurse gets easily overwhelmed at the significance of his or her newfound responsibilites. Now.... there are these nurses and everything in between, but you can be assured that these nurses never work alone. There is never one nurse alone on a floor probably anywhere because in life-saving or emergency situations, it is obvious and probably proven that one mind and two hands is not enough. In my mind, this can relate to the presidential election in some abstract way. Vote for who you prefer, who you'd like to spend a day with or drink a beer with or go to war with, and be assured that he never works alone. Go do it!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
What an idiot.... a Special Comment.
John McCain tried to hit it out of the park tonight. It was a bunt. A pop out. A forced out perhaps. In the paraphrased words of Rep. Rahm Emanuel of Illinois, he's acting like an angry old man in his bathrobe and slippers, trying to keep kids off the lawn. In tonight's debate, he continued to be erratic, bringing up topics unrelated to the question, reminiscent of one "Caribou Barbie" running mate. Did anyone tell him Palin's son doesn't have autism? For real! He brought up the "no preconditions" argument again, this time talking about Chavez of Venezuela in a debate that had nothing to do with foreign policy. Things he didn't mention surprisingly: POW, Rev. Wright, experience, judgment. Lots of: blinking, scribbling, jaw clenches. I'm no body language expert, but the cool and collected Obama seemed a lot more confident, and the losing McCain was fighting. Always fighting.
When asked about Palin as President, God forbid, he didn't answer the question. Would she be better than Jokin' Joe? His spiel went like this: she's a reformer. She's a maverick, yada, yada, yada. She'll be my partner. We'll fight to make this country great... or whatever. What he didn't say is how she'd stand alone. Because she couldn't possibly! How could he be expected to answer that?! Great question, dumbass answer.
I agree with Chris Matthews about something tonight. You can't belittle the inclusion of the "health of the mother" in the abortion agrument. McCain made some awkward little joke about it, not even well understood by the pundits. Or me. What the hell did he mean by that? Only when death is iminent can you perform abortion? Not her health, only death. Great timing. Maybe when you're coding Mom or watching her seize. Maybe when you're hanging the 10th unit of blood? Maybe not until the 15th? When Senator?!
I'm astounded that the pundits, even on MSNBC :), think McCain wins these things. Pat Buchanan even said tonight, usually the public disagrees with him after all is said and done. Andrea Mitchell: clearly the stongest debate for him by far. What? People see through him. The public knows that he is behind. He needed a one-liner like "I'm not George Bush" and got it out tonight. Fact is though, he is 94% of the time. As Obama pointed out, on the policies that matter now, energy, taxes, the economy, he's voted with Bush and the elephants. It's great to be a maverick on issues like torture and immigration. He prides himself on this idea of breaking from party lines on issues, but when neither side agrees with you, how are you going to get anything done? Joe Lieberman only gives you one vote! (And he's going to be out the next go-round.)
Bring on Keith and Rachel.
When asked about Palin as President, God forbid, he didn't answer the question. Would she be better than Jokin' Joe? His spiel went like this: she's a reformer. She's a maverick, yada, yada, yada. She'll be my partner. We'll fight to make this country great... or whatever. What he didn't say is how she'd stand alone. Because she couldn't possibly! How could he be expected to answer that?! Great question, dumbass answer.
I agree with Chris Matthews about something tonight. You can't belittle the inclusion of the "health of the mother" in the abortion agrument. McCain made some awkward little joke about it, not even well understood by the pundits. Or me. What the hell did he mean by that? Only when death is iminent can you perform abortion? Not her health, only death. Great timing. Maybe when you're coding Mom or watching her seize. Maybe when you're hanging the 10th unit of blood? Maybe not until the 15th? When Senator?!
I'm astounded that the pundits, even on MSNBC :), think McCain wins these things. Pat Buchanan even said tonight, usually the public disagrees with him after all is said and done. Andrea Mitchell: clearly the stongest debate for him by far. What? People see through him. The public knows that he is behind. He needed a one-liner like "I'm not George Bush" and got it out tonight. Fact is though, he is 94% of the time. As Obama pointed out, on the policies that matter now, energy, taxes, the economy, he's voted with Bush and the elephants. It's great to be a maverick on issues like torture and immigration. He prides himself on this idea of breaking from party lines on issues, but when neither side agrees with you, how are you going to get anything done? Joe Lieberman only gives you one vote! (And he's going to be out the next go-round.)
Bring on Keith and Rachel.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Knox Soapbox
I've considered starting a blog for a long time. Now with so much in the news, in life, in the family worth writing about, it's done! This is my soapbox.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
The Story of a Man
So this week at work was the one that all of us didn't want to believe would happen, thought might happen, but didn't actually think would happen! A young man who could be anybody's son, father, brother, husband, or friend... he died Monday after a battle, a war with his own body. Through no fault of his own, he developed an occult disease he didn't know he had until his eyes turned yellow. After spending the last ten months of his life away from southern California, where his Lakers played a championship series, where wildfires threatened the homes of people he knew, where politics from Iowa to New Hampshire to his home state have carried on since January 3, life for everyone around him has gone on. He missed spring, summer and the beautiful beginning of fall. He couldn't eat buffalo wings with a beer at the beginning of football season, and he won't see the Dodgers play in the playoffs.
With his never-ending advocate of a mother at his bedside, this young man faced the darkest times a person can face. Sickness, hope, life, sickness, near death, hope, life again, and again, and again until last week when it all came to an end for him. You see, one new organ sometimes isn't enough for some people. We've transplanted people more than once before and it's like starting over each time. There isn't a "limit" per se, and when you are invested in something or someone, you fight for it or him or her. You can't give up because of a shortage of livers, there's always been and always will be a shortage. If we let that hold us back, no one would ever have the chances that so many of our other near-death to life patients have had. One man got to go home to Alabama to see his first granddaughter who was born in July while he was here for treatment. One young man received half a liver from his wife's salon co-worker's husband. One woman took too many hepatotoxic herbal (non-FDA-approved) preparations and lost two weeks of time being unconcious in the ICU, to wake up to two teenage daughters who want to go to nursing school after seeing the death-to-life care their mother received. There is hope out there. And you can pass it forward.
So, on 10-2, we'll miss him. It's too bad we all got to know him as well as we did. We got to know his mother and watched her shed tears of hope and elation and grief. We gave her hugs after he died. We got to know his godmother, girlfriend, and about his father. He's one of those patients you hear about, you read about, that papers are written about, and one of the one's the nurses who had the chance to take care of him will never forget. He gave us the chance to learn and get better at what we do; he forced our patience, understanding, and skill. I hope his story makes up your mind about the importance of donating your organs when you're done with them. It's the greatest hope out there for young men like him and his mom, even if for just another month.
With his never-ending advocate of a mother at his bedside, this young man faced the darkest times a person can face. Sickness, hope, life, sickness, near death, hope, life again, and again, and again until last week when it all came to an end for him. You see, one new organ sometimes isn't enough for some people. We've transplanted people more than once before and it's like starting over each time. There isn't a "limit" per se, and when you are invested in something or someone, you fight for it or him or her. You can't give up because of a shortage of livers, there's always been and always will be a shortage. If we let that hold us back, no one would ever have the chances that so many of our other near-death to life patients have had. One man got to go home to Alabama to see his first granddaughter who was born in July while he was here for treatment. One young man received half a liver from his wife's salon co-worker's husband. One woman took too many hepatotoxic herbal (non-FDA-approved) preparations and lost two weeks of time being unconcious in the ICU, to wake up to two teenage daughters who want to go to nursing school after seeing the death-to-life care their mother received. There is hope out there. And you can pass it forward.
So, on 10-2, we'll miss him. It's too bad we all got to know him as well as we did. We got to know his mother and watched her shed tears of hope and elation and grief. We gave her hugs after he died. We got to know his godmother, girlfriend, and about his father. He's one of those patients you hear about, you read about, that papers are written about, and one of the one's the nurses who had the chance to take care of him will never forget. He gave us the chance to learn and get better at what we do; he forced our patience, understanding, and skill. I hope his story makes up your mind about the importance of donating your organs when you're done with them. It's the greatest hope out there for young men like him and his mom, even if for just another month.
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